I wonder if people see that fighting amongst each other is exactly what evil wants. If we are constantly looking at the other in judgment and distaste, we surely won’t have time to see that God is trying to work through us; if only we would turn away from our egos (edging God out), get quiet and pay attention.
When someone judges me, accuses me, or gets nasty with me, I try (boy, do I try), to stay kind and even keeled with my thoughts. Just as with everyone else that is human, it’s not always easy to do, but I have learned that most times when someone is coming at me,
it has to do with them; not me.
Don’t misunderstand what I am saying here. I am not, I repeat NOT, saying to stand there and take verbal slayings from anyone. No one should disrespect another person; regardless of the day they had. I know I have taken a lot of tongue lashings in my day, and I’ve given quite a few. My only repent would be that I definitely had my fill of days when I didn’t know better. Today, those who truly know me, know I am a good person with a kind heart. If they choose to pick a battle with me, I will stand my ground, but in a way that isn’t as harsh as most.
No one needs to be reminded there are boundaries…or do they?
Boundaries are good. That’s how we teach children that they aren’t the only person on the earth and others do get their way at times. Thing is…there are many adults who need a lesson in boundaries. too.
Nevertheless, there are times when you handle it with care. Why?
Because you have to ask yourself,
- What is at stake here?
- Is there an underlying relationship with their family?
- Is your family the one at stake?
- How important is the relationship to you?
- Can you handle it with grace and still stand up for yourself?
- Do you cringe with disgust when thinking about the drama your response could cause?
- Is the relationship (or topic) even worth your response…or your time!
Obviously, in the moment, you have to think quick on your feet. Assessment of the situation is crucial for what comes next. If you sit there and take it from someone, what does that say about you? I’m sure it doesn’t feel good to be yelled at by anyone. I know! Still, I would rather take the time I need to be sure of my consequences, than to partake in the ignorance of another. And, there are ways to manage your self-respect, dignity, and reputation in the process. If you simply stay calm, collective, and confident in yourself, you can be assured that you are handling the situation correctly. Another idea is to keep repeating something like, “That’s enough!” or whatever feels good as your mantra.
Yes, I said, mantra…because they work!
If you continually find yourself in situations where you could lose your cool, you need to find a mantra! For one, because it gives you a tool to use, and second because apparently whatever you are doing isn’t working that well. A mantra is something you say automatically when pressure comes on. A phrase that you know, and others soon will, if they cross that threshold.
Mine used to be “Stop yelling at me! You don’t have the right to yell at me,” and I would repeat it over and over again until the yelling stopped. And it usually did pretty quickly.
You might think this only works in personal relationships, but that’s not true. I used mine personally and professionally. At work, I used it with that boss who thought it okay to treat me disrespectfully. I only had to say it once to her on two separate occasions. What’s funny is I didn’t even know I was creating my mantra at the time. As for personally, I know it works! I just don’t need them as much anymore.
Just because there is a blowout, doesn’t mean a relationship has to be over. If someone has a moment, and you didn’t partake in it, all they have to do is make good on their part of the relationship. If they chose not to apologize, you make the choice how to handle it from then on.
- You could stick around with a continued intention behind your interactions with them.
- You could stay friendly and distant; changing the amount of time you offer them.
It really all depends on how they continue on with the relationship, too. You usually can tell when someone feels bad for how they treated you…even if they are too proud (that’s ego=edging God out) to apologize and they can tell you are different toward them. The day will come when all will fall into place…and you saved the relationship for whatever good reason you decided.
It’s time to rethink about how we treat each other. Especially, how we communicate with one another. Kindness trumps nastiness every single time. When we edge God out, we allow our egos to get the best of us. The need to be self-important, right, justified, does not allow God to work within you. It’s when you allow Him to guide your reactions, your thoughts, your life, that you become less involved in the need to fight back. You realize that He will take care of what isn’t right, and all you have to do is let Him. He will guide you to the choices because things will start to happen when you sit back and allow God to work. It’s when we try to push the outcome to what we desire that blessings are inhibited. God can’t work for you while you are holding the wheel. Hmmmm…that sounds like a song. 🙂
Seriously, stop and think about how you react to situations. None of us are perfect and we certainly are all different. We have to do our best to give our best…and to repent when we don’t. We have to make sure we aren’t living life thru our egos and edging God out. We are all in this together and we ain’t getting out alive.
With love and good thoughts for you,
Here’s a potential source on the definition EGO (Edging God Out)