…is exactly how you should expect them to treat you LATER.
Does that mean people can’t change? No, of course not. People do make adjustments IF THEY WANT TO. My point is that you should never go into a relationship expecting to change someone to suit you. That will not happen. What can happen is changing your expectations; either by accepting them as they are, or voicing and displaying through action what is important to you.
Simply put, you don’t go into a relationship expecting change.
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Time changes all of us in one way or another; through our looks, perspectives, and expectations. One day we are fine with how life is going, and in the next moment, we change our viewpoint about how things should go. We start to question our decisions and what we want out of life. Then, with the flip of our switch, we expect others to conform to our new way of thinking. Sorry, but life doesn’t work that way.
You can’t spend your life trying to fix a broken relationship, and you can’t expect others
to change in a moment’s notice either…just because you got a new outlook on life.
Change is a process and it takes time.
Change begins by making conscious choices…for you. If you are just getting to know someone, it’s easy to keep your boundaries from the start. When a boundary is crossed, let it be known. If they are constantly late to meet you, stop meeting them for a time…so they know your standard. Sure, you can give that person another chance to make good, and if not, there’s your answer.
If you are involved with someone, it can be harder to insert the boundaries that you should have expected from the beginning. Still, when something isn’t working in your life, don’t follow along. Begin to follow the path that leads you toward happiness. Put your new expectations out there and give others a chance to catch up.
People are willing to make adjustments in relationships, but not in a moment’s notice…and not as an ultimatum. When you decide to make adjustments to your life, it better be because you already made up your mind on what you will accept as a solution. You can’t make false threats; that doesn’t work. You can only make requests for critical adjustments; leaving the compromise up to them. And you can only make a conscious choice…for you and your life. Be mindful of any choices you make. Change is a process and it takes time.
Let’s talk about an easy change. Say you want more help around the house. You are tired of picking up after the other and you’d like a little effort. Wait for it! Don’t bark when it’s not done the first time or even the second, but kindly remind them of your request. With that, you should start to see something happen; either the assistance you need or the disrespect of your request. Each of these will leave a different taste in your mouth.
Now, it’s time for you to decide what you expect for your life. Maybe you announce that you won’t pick up anymore; whereby, you start to live in a mess. Perhaps you don’t say a word and just stop; still leaving you in a mess. Then there is the more mature option of sitting down and talking. Explain to them that you don’t feel heard or appreciated, and you need to make a change. That could do it! Then again, maybe not. Compromise will need to occur in one way or another. This may be a silly example, but imagine replacing the words with something more important.
How important is it…to you?
For instance, the two of you like to go out and have fun with friends, but money is tight and you really need to stop spending so much. You have goals for the future, and paying bills is the only way to get there. First, you sit down and talk about your goals to see if the two of you are in sync. If not, and there’s no room for compromise, there’s your answer. If there is agreement, then changes in your lifestyle need to be made. If, at first chance, your mate is out with friends; spending money you don’t have, then he has made a choice. He asked you to go along, but you know you have a plan and you are going to stick to it; you made a choice to not follow along. Here’s where your expectations come in.
How long you give change a chance to catch up is up to you. You made a choice to stick with your new plan, and you’re giving them the chance to join you. Eventually, a choice need to be made, by you, for your life, and that likely depends on where you see the future going…and what you expect for your future. You either live with their intentions or yours.
Every choice has a value to it; the importance you place on it. In time, you will know if the two of you are syncing because your boundaries will be respected, your life will feel more complete, and you’ll see change occur…little by little. If you don’t see any improvements in what is happening in your life, then you know that you need to make the change by either accepting it…or not. The only person you can change is you.
Loving with Purpose 