From the start, first, you want to see if you’re attracted to the other person. You wait to see if you find him attractive, funny, or witty. You probably don’t look too deep at the beginning; you just want to see if there’s an attraction.
Aside from just wanting to have a good time, and see if there’s an attraction, do you begin to analyze how you feel about him on a deeper level? If you want something deeper, then I suppose you do.
Once you have decided whether you simply enjoy his company, or you’re head over heels for him, then what? Most people establish whether they want (or should) see them again, and if they want that time to be simple or serious.
Keep in mind, when you fall for someone, that relationship can flow like a song or sting like a bee, depending on how he feels about you, and what you learn throughout your time together. Regardless of how he feels, do you do what you can, in hopes he will feel the same way about you? I would imagine, yes; you at least try to put your best foot forward. No one wants to feel gaga over someone, while the other continues to feel indifferent. Obviously, you want him to like you.
Now that we’ve established why you’re in the dating scene, let’s back it up a few steps. Go back to that first date when you were deciding if he was a keeper or not. What were you thinking? Hmmmm…“He is sooo good-looking.” “I wonder if he likes me.” “I wonder if he’s going to kiss me.” “Am I…?.” “I wonder if he’s a hard worker, makes good money, and drives a nice car.”
Some of these are very good questions; just maybe not in the order of importance. There are bigger, better questions that surpass this list when deciding on a future mate. That is, of course, if you want something more than just a date in the end. If you’re only looking to have some fun and date around, then by all means, don’t worry about all of this. The only questions you need to be asking relate to whether you’re safe and if you’re having a good time.
If you want something more from dating, think big picture. Look way down the road to homes, kids, work, money, and circumstances. His looks will diminish to a certain extent, as will yours, so that’s not very important on the list. Certainly, you need to be attracted to him, but look deeper for the true answer on whether a guy is in fact good-looking. As you’ve probably heard before, a person’s good looks actually grow from the inside-out!
It has been said that opposites attract…and that being opposing is a good thing because it evens everything out. If one likes to talk and the other is quiet, that’s a good thing. If one is highly motivated, while the other is low-key, or one is frugal, while the other is frivolous, then that’s a good thing. I believe this to be true; however, only to a certain degree.
Below are some circumstances to consider. Think of you with someone who portrays the opposite. See how easy or hard that would be for the two of you to join in the middle. Make note, these are in no particular order.
|You’re outgoing.||He’s an introvert.||If you’re outgoing and love to talk, look for someone who enjoys spending time chatting a bit. Obviously, women like to talk more, and you have friends and coworkers to talk with, but there is a difference in communication styles on both sides; extroverts and introverts. A talker needs to know their partner can sit down every now and then and get a connection; otherwise, they end up talking to themselves.|
|You’re frivolous.||He’s frugal.||You’re all about spending, while he’s all about saving. How will you handle this conflict when it comes up in the future? Is he the type of guy who is willing to find middle ground when it comes to spending? Are you willing to slow down on your spending spree?|
|You’re all about your family and love spending time with them. You enjoy going to family functions.||He does not like his family, nor does he attend any family functions.||You definitely want to understand this topic before committing. Unless you are willing to spend this time separately, and some do, it can cause big problems in your relationship. What do you want out of life?|
|You’re a huge partier and go out to bars and social events on weekends.||He’s a home body and never steps into a party scene.||Unless one of you is willing to make a change, you will find yourself without your partner when it comes to weekends. Of course, once you get deeper into the relationship the partying may slow down a bit, or your partner might come out of their shell some. Just know what to expect down the road before serious commitments are made.|
|You have children or want them.||He does not have any children, nor does he want any in the future.||For most, this is a big deal breaker. Children are a huge responsibility and they need love and protection. Why put any child through a situation where they feel rejected and unloved? If they feel this way, you have bigger problems to tend to than whether this is the right guy for you.|
|You want to talk things out when there’s a problem.||He clam ups when it comes to conflict.||Everyone goes through conflict communication issues. Each of you must learn how the other deals with problems; then compromise comes into play. If you care enough about each other, conflict resolution techniques will be determined before the next fight occurs.|
|You want a big house in the hills.||He wants to help the under privileged, lives beneath his means, and gives up some niceties to make that happen.||Think about your life; try to see what you really want for your future. You may think you want that big house, when really you don’t. You may find that material items don’t fill your heart in the end. Then again, you may feel strongly about your goals and have no compromise there. Only you know.|
|You’re a city girl.||He’s a country boy.||Unless one of you is willing to live in the other’s backdrop, there’s a huge problem here. As it’s been said, “you can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the girl.” The person may or may not want a change. If you want to be happy in the end, make good choices now.|
|You like bumming around, spending your weekends hanging out. No big chores or jobs to do.||He enjoys keeping busy and creating or building things for his future.||As long as he doesn’t mind you doing your own thing, or you not being much help, then you should be good to go. Otherwise, look for some resentment of having to do everything. Also, some partners enjoy the idea of working together on projects, while others like going it alone.|
|You’re all about your career and making it to the top.||He’s all about a simple life.||For those who are workaholics, take a moment to see if you should get involved with someone in the first place. If you see yourself aiming toward the top, while leaving your family to fend for themselves, perhaps you should rethink your purpose. Then again, the person you are with may enjoy their free time, alone time. Many folks enjoy being part of a power-couple, too, where both are job-focused. Keep in mind, what about the children…even future kids. Someone has to be there to show them love. Make sure you thought the situation out fully.|
|You believe in disciplining children and intend to have a structured family setting in the future.||He feels kids should be kids and discipline only occurs when necessary. He sees an atmosphere where there is no concern for discipline and structure.||If you have morals and values on the way you raise your children, you better get in line with your partner. Always being the bad guy, while they are the good, doesn’t help the children and it surely doesn’t make you feel any better. If you have strong beliefs on what it takes to raise a child, make sure you are in agreement. No one wins when there is conflict between the parents or children. In today’s world, that is never more apparent than now; with blending happening at record speed, the conversation is a must beforehand.|
You don’t necessarily have to agree with everything on this list, but maybe you saw yourself in some of the examples. That’s the great thing about opinions and ideas, we all have some to offer.
Still, ask yourself if any of these seem more important than, “I wonder if he’s going to kiss me.”
All of us have differences; especially when it comes to men and women. That’s part of the attraction. But what if the opposites are just too much to handle?
Dating is supposed to be fun and a time of new beginnings. Make that happen for yourself…and him. Either you decide you’re happy with whatever comes of the situation, or start paying attention to whether you’re wasting valuable time on a relationship that won’t work in the end. If the intent is to find something everlasting, then do your homework.
To find out more on dating, relationships, family and friends, check out my book, Loving with Purpose.
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