I spoke with a man who said that Loving with Purpose helped him understand dating again after his wife passed away over a year ago. I wanted to share his words in case there was someone else reaching out for some guidance on dating after losing a loved one.
He told me about his recent dating experience; probably his first after being a married guy for over forty years. Now, at sixty-six years old, he has to begin again…and as anyone who dates knows, it’s tough out there.
He told me that he treated his date like a lady; a princess, in fact. Offering flowers at each enc0unter, taking her to the finest of restaurants, and giving her extra special attention throughout the ten or more dates. Sounds good so far, yes???
He has always been under the impression that treating someone kindly, with special attention shown to the details, meant that typically that same appreciation or treatment would be reflected back on him. Sounds right, right???
Unfortunately, there are many women unaccustomed to being treated so well. His kindness and attention were probably a bit overwhelming to the normal, every day gal on the dating scene. Most guys don’t go to so much effort, so quickly, to show a woman they care. Plus, this man just started dating after forty years of marriage! He wasn’t ready for the plunge.
Now he understands what he needed to do. He needed to take the dating process much slower; taking time to learn who she is and what she wanted out of the connection. You can’t say anything bad about what he did in the dating experience, except people aren’t used to so much special attention. We take a little longer to warm up, especially when dating. Sure, there are always exceptions to the rule, but we are talking norm here.
Flowers on occasion are great, good food…always, but a little mystery as you move through the date will keep the flame lit while the two of you get to know each other.
His need of knowledge is one of the biggest reasons I wrote Loving with Purpose. I’ve been there, I know what dating has to offer, and I believe there is a better way than what I either did or accepted in the process.
We all have to start somewhere. Beginning with information makes the whole process go much smoother.
Before we talked, here’s the message he left for me. “Kim, I wanted to let you know that I’m reading the book you wrote. I’m just about a couple pages away from finishing it and I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the book and your work. In reading some of the chapters, I just wish that I would have read this book several months ago instead of reading it now. In any event, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your work and the quality of writing you offered. I found the book interesting and insightful. Thank you very much for writing it and I appreciated reading it.”
To read more on dating, relationships, family and friends, check out my book, Loving with Purpose.
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