Dating can be difficult at times. All of us know someone who struggles in the process, trying to meet that person who is right for them. They wonder how they could be so wrong when choosing who they should go out with and who they should consider the next time. Some people look at themselves, asking “What is wrong with me?” or “What am I doing wrong?” as a way to discover the answers.
In many cases, the problem is that nothing is wrong with either party. They just either don’t match up, once they learned more about each other, or the requirements of one or both didn’t register or weren’t told.
Let’s talk about the requirements portion of failed dates. If you don’t determine what you want from a partner, you can’t lead your life in a timely, successful manner. As talked about in “The Goals in Dating,” you have to know what you want—and require it.
For instance, if you are dating someone who is constantly late for your dates, and you continue to take it, you just set the requirement that being late is fine with you. If that isn’t the case, you have to address the matter. That conversation doesn’t have to be a battle, just a requirement that you are setting for yourself. Telling your date that you expect them to be on time shouldn’t be an issue. If being late continues, then you can cancel future dates until such time as you can be respected. Don’t kid yourself; someone making you wait, over and over again, is disrespectful to you.
Another example might be how someone talks to you. They may tease you in a way that is unflattering or unkind to your senses. When you ask them to stop, they probably say “I was just kidding.” Guess what, if you don’t like it, they should stop. End of story.
If you are not getting what you require from your dating experience, you have to put better out there for yourself by conveying your message—either with words or by actions. When you don’t give your feelings a voice, when you don’t stand up for what you require in a relationship—and you’re only dating—expect the situation to get worse, not better, in the future.
Having requirements for yourself is not a negative, but a positive. You get what you need and you help the person you are dating become a better person, too.